Posted August 14, 2023 | Written by Stephanie Underwood, RSW
Hyperactivating strategies are behaviours used by individuals with an Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment style (also refered to as the Anxious Attachment) to seek connection and assurance from their partners.
Not everyone who exhibits the Anxious-Ambivalent attachment will employ the same Hyperactivating strategies, nor will these strategies manifest with the same intensity.
In the intricate world of attachment theory, understanding the nuances of different attachment styles can be both enlightening and empowering.
The Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment style, in particular, holds a fascinating blend of emotions and behaviours that often manifest through what are known as Hyperactivating Strategies. These strategies are characterized by intense efforts to seek connection and assurance, but they can sometimes create challenges in relationships.
Whether you identify with this attachment style or want to understand a loved one better, this post will provide valuable insights and clarity.
It's important to recognize that attachment exists on a spectrum, and individual experiences and behaviors can vary widely. Not everyone who exhibits an Anxious-Ambivalent attachment will employ the same hyperactivating strategies, nor will these strategies manifest with the same intensity. People are unique, and their attachment styles can be influenced by a myriad of factors. Therefore, the information presented here may not apply universally and should be considered as a general guideline rather than a strict rule for every individual.
What is a Hyperactivating Strategy?
Hyperactivating strategies are typically associated with the anxious attachment style. These strategies revolve around heightening one’s attachment needs, seeking closeness, and emphasizing dependence in an effort to gain reassurance, attention, or connection.
Like the deactivating strategies, these hyperactivating strategies can be understood as coping mechanisms that individuals with anxious attachment tendencies employ to manage their intense fears and desires related to intimacy and relationships.
A fear of abandonment might lead to excessively seeking closeness or assurance.
Seeking Constant Reassurance
Repeatedly asking for validation due to fears of not being loved or wanted.
Mourning Past Hurts
Holding onto past disappointments or betrayals and bringing them up frequently to gain comfort or attention.
Over-emphasizing Emotional Pain
May focus on and amplify emotional distress to gain care and comfort.
Blame and Accusation
Confronting the partner frequently with perceived slights or neglect.
Demanding Immediate Resolution
An insistence on resolving issues immediately, sometimes at the expense of the partner’s needs or boundaries.
Frequently checking on the partner’s whereabouts, activities, or feelings.
Reading too deeply into the partner’s actions or words, often with a negative spin.
Seeking Validation for Self-Worth
Looking to the partner to constantly validate self-worth due to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.
Repeatedly apologizing for perceived faults or shortcomings, seeking reassurance.
Elevating Relationship Status
Seeking public affirmations, displays of affection, or declarations about the relationship’s importance.
Creating ‘Tests’ for the Partner
Setting up situations to see if the partner “passes” as a way to validate the depth of their commitment or love.